Personality Disorders as Adaptive Reactions

Personality disorders can be understood as adaptation mechanisms, where the nervous system reacts to challenging environments. For example, a child who grows up with aggressive parents may develop aggressive tendencies as a strategy to survive in a turbulent home environment. Similarly, a child can paradoxically also develop a submissive personality to navigate through such threatening circumstances.

Hereditary Tendencies and Cultural Influence

These adaptive reactions can also be inherited through epigenetics, where not only physical traits but also personality characteristics like suspiciousness, insecurity, and self-aggrandizement can be passed down. Cultural and subcultural factors also play a role; certain culturally conditioned behavior patterns can closely resemble expressions of personality disorders. Cultures with a heavy bend towards patriarchal structures appear to promote behaviors and values that in our western society look a lot like antisocial tendencies. A child can even develop a predisposition for a personality disorder by imitating a parent who has one. It is important to understand that such disorders have complex causes. Also personality disorders may have a biological underpinning.

Adaptive Reactions in an Evolutionary Psychological Context

Just as animals adapt to their environment—for instance, a puppy that is frequently scolded may grow up anxious and withdrawn—children also develop adaptive mechanisms to cope with the conditions in which they grow up. These behavioral patterns are likely as old as our species itself. Think of it this way: certain biological predispositions, when combined with challenging circumstances, can trigger survival-oriented patterns of behavior that we now label as “personality disorders.” From an evolutionary perspective, we might more accurately call them personality orders, preparing the individual to handle a hostile or otherwise insecure environment. It is important to understand that the development of such patterns is not a conscious choice by the child or the individual but rather a form of “programming,” a natural response to persistent stress and insecurity.

The Difference Between Narcissism in Childhood and Adulthood

Among children, many narcissistic traits can be normal and healthy phases of development. Usually, it is not until the child becomes a teenager that one can begin to identify actual personality disorders such as narcissism. To put it starkly, a 10-year-old child is perfectly allowed to believe that their father is the strongest man in the world, and that sometimes they themselves are a superhero. As an adult, however, such mindsets are obviously worrisome.

Experiencing Doubt About One’s Own Worth

When a child grows up with emotionally absent, abusive or self-absorbed parents, they may feel unsafe and unloved. This can create an intense need for recognition and a longing to feel special as a way to secure love and safety. Over time, this experience can shape the child’s personality so deeply that, even years later as an adult, the hunger for validation persists—sometimes to the point of developing into full-blown narcissism.

Different Environments’ Influence on Narcissism

Neglect, criticism, and even excessive praise can all lead to the development of narcissism, as the child learns that they are only “good enough” when they are exceptional. These different influences can result in different forms of narcissism: ignoring or criticizing a child can lead to a more introverted narcissism characterized by deep insecurities and fantasies of perfection, while excessive praise can lead to a more outwardly grandiose narcissism.

Functions of Narcissism

The hallmarks of narcissism are defense mechanisms and self-protective strategies developed by both children and adults with narcissism to cope with the feeling of not being good enough. Here is a point-by-point overview of some common features of narcissism and their psychological “functions”. It is worth noting that most people with narcissism will not identify with all the traits listed here:

• Need for admiration – Function: Protection against doubt about one’s own worth. Excessive need for admiration can lead to “perverted narcissism,” where one belittles others to assert oneself. Read this book for an intriguing insight into perverted narcissism.

• Lack of empathy – Function: Protection against painful feelings of rejection or criticism. This defense can sometimes manifest as actively undermining or dismissing others’ achievements, since recognition given to others may feel like a threat to one’s own worth.

• Difficulty empathizing – Many people with narcissism grew up not having their experiences validated by their parents, and thus putting on a mask in order not to be trouble.
• Deficits and impairments – Many individuals with narcissism struggle with anxiety, depression, low self-worth, fluctuating self-esteem, and, in severe cases, suicidality. They are not always manipulative; some feel as though they are “drowning”, and may unintentionally pull others down with them in their distress. anxiety, depression, low self worth, vulnerable and variable self esteem and suicidality.

• Exploitation of others – Function: Obtaining necessary recognition and love. Using others as a means to achieve one’s own goals, as the person’s self-image is prioritized over relationships. This trait is related to Machiavellianism.

• Belief of being special – Function: Protection against the feeling of not being good enough. Protection against feelings of inadequacy. The creation of a fantasy world supports a fragile self-esteem, regardless of criticism. This all-too-human tendency is the primary narrative structure of many superhero stories: the shy, ordinary figure—Clark Kent—fantasizes about being Superman and winning love and admiration.

• Social withdrawal – Function: Protection of the vulnerable ego. Avoidance of situations that challenge the self-image. This is connected to the often experiences and often crippling social anxiety connected to people suffering from vulnerable narcissism.

• Extreme anger – Function: Defense of the fragile self against feelings of insecurity. Such anger serves as a barrier against identity collapse and points to the fact that many with narcissism live with a deeply fragile ego structure

Barriers to Treating Narcissism

There are several challenges associated with helping a person with narcissism. Some of the key barriers include:

• Insecurity
  The belief in being unique is often a crucial source of psychological safety for a person with narcissism. A reality-testing or overly skeptical approach from the therapist can therefore feel like an attack on this fragile sense of security. As a result, it becomes essential to create a therapeutic relationship that feels safe enough for the narcissistic person to even consider the possibility of being an ordinary human being in need of help.

  This process—sometimes referred to as an initiation into psychotherapy—can take time. In fact, it may take so long that therapy ends before a solid foundation has been built. In couples therapy, for example, partners of narcissistic individuals may find it frustrating when the therapist initially focuses on bonding with the narcissistic partner rather than immediately confronting problematic behavior. Yet without this initial bond, no real change is likely to occur.

• “Batman doesn’t need help”
  Compensatory fantasies often fuel the belief that help from others is unnecessary—that no one else could possibly be of assistance because all potential supposedly lies within oneself. In this fantasy world, the narcissist is inherently superior. From this starting point, it is easy for the person with narcissism to devalue or look down on the therapist.

  Sometimes, as therapists, we may even need to temporarily match this sense of grandeur—validating it just enough to establish rapport—before gradually and gently reintroducing a more balanced sense of reality.

• Certain aspects can be functional: Some aspects of narcissism can actually be useful or adaptive. As a therapist, one must find a balance between supporting these functional sides and addressing the dysfunctional ones. For example, it can be fun and motivating to imagine being special — and sometimes it’s true or can become true. Many highly skilled people have indeed been driven by the belief that they have unique potential; this is what one might call “benign narcissism.” The challenge for the therapist is to preserve these more functional sides of the narcissism while still helping the client.

• Feelings of shame: The ability to see and be at peace with oneself as at the same time valuable and lovable and vulnerable and imperfect is an important step in the process of seeking help. The narcissist’s resistance to this vulnerable acknowledgment can actively prevent him or her from seeking help at all.

• Lack of trust: A person with narcissism may have difficulty establishing trust in relationships. Trusting others makes one vulnerable to being let down and at a loss. Since effective psychotherapy is built on a good therapeutic relationship, this lack of trust can make it hard for therapy to take hold or be effective.

• Inability to receive feedback: Those with narcissism often struggle to accept criticism. Criticism—whether well-intentioned or not—can trigger feelings of shame and what is called a “narcissistic injury” in the person, which can damage the therapeutic relationship. As a therapist, one must persistently invite open, curious dialogue while clearly caring for and being mindful of the fragile ego across from you.

• Inflated ego: Some clients with narcissism use therapy to further inflate their ego and even manipulate their surroundings, which means the therapist must stay alert to the client’s intentions and reactions. Some people with narcissism learn more words for feelings and emotions during psychotherapy, but they don’t necesarily use this new vocabulary to build healthier relationships with themselves or others — instead, they may begin to use it to gain recognition and control over others. Narcissists may even get an inflated ego from meditation.

• Am I the problem?: People with narcissism rarely seek help by saying, “I need help because I have narcissism.” They typically end up in therapy without understanding that their problems stem from their narcissistic traits. They might be brought into couples therapy by their partner, or they might seek help due to issues like social anxiety or depression arising from a divorce or job loss—without realizing that narcissism underlies these problems.

• Stigma: There is tremendous stigma against narcissism in society, as the diagnosis is often associated with selfish people, stalkers, dictators, criminals, con artists, and psychopaths. This stigma prevents many individuals from accepting the diagnosis or seeking help, even though therapy can be beneficial. As a practicing psychologist, I have helped around 30–50 people with narcissism over the years, and most have benefited from therapy. With age and increased pattern recognition/wisdom, I have learned to build a good relationship with even severely narcissistic individuals. Clients with personality disorders find that (a) when they cannot manipulate their therapist and (b) when they feel respected, it creates (c) a sense of security. This kind of relationship, in turn, opens the door to good, honest conversations on equal footing.

The Zone of Proximal Development

It follows that treatment should be conducted with a keen sensitivity to the person’s zone of proximal development, with plenty of validation and cautious interventions when addressing the irrational and dysfunctional sides of the narcissism. Essentially, one should see it as if there is also a child in the room—a loving child who is struggling to maintain a fragile self-esteem over an abyss of insecurity. In any event, one should not take any possible arrogance, vanity, criticism, or stubbornness from the person suffering from narcissism personally.

Logical Arguments Against Narcissism!

There are many ways to treat narcissism. Notable methods include cognitive behavioral therapy and schema therapy. In the following, however, we will look at using cost-benefit analysis as a therapeutic technique.

It can be useful to discuss with the client what he or she gains from narcissistic ways of being, and what it costs – essentially weighing the advantages and disadvantages of functioning as they do. This is a helpful approach with any client. By examining narcissistic behavior through a cost-benefit lens, one can essentially slip under the radar of an overactive self-defense, reaching a more rational discussion that can potentially dissolve some of the narcissistic patterns.

Some arguments and perspectives that can be introduced against narcissistic thinking include:

• If you assume you’re special from the start, you won’t make an effort at anything. And if you don’t try, you’re setting yourself up for a life of failures.

• You never learn to fully relax. If you only feel okay when you are accomplishing something absolutely unique and perfect, you will feel inadequate most of the time.

• With narcissism, it’s difficult to establish healthy, trusting relationships. This can lead to a very lonely life.

• Narcissistic fantasies of experiencing utterly sublime love can prevent a person from entering a long-term relationship, since the perfect partner and the perfect relationship exist only in fantasy.

• If you out of  fear of being abandoned  cut yourself off not just from genuine relationships you also cut your self off from experiences of meaning. Research consistently shows that finding meaning in life is tied to being truly giving and involved in social contexts.

• The more a person with narcissism seeks approval, the more recognition they end up needing. This is a tragic aspect of narcissism that needs to be curbed. Everyone with a overdeveloped need for approval seeking should try taking a break from this behavior trying to gain praise and validation—perhaps for a month. With such a cold turkey approach (which is not as hard as it sounds), one can discover that it’s possible to gradually ease the intense need for constant acknowledgment.

With the right approach treatment can go a long way. Book a free phone call now and we will discuss the issues and potential treatment plans. / Send a text to to 28700900 right away and let’s get started.

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