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Welcome to a short text about Assertive Communication. 7 key Insights.
If you follow this link you will see a YouTube video in which I expand on the insights. This video by the way is part four in a series of 12 about the “existential crisis”.
A basic requirement for a good life, is the ability to communicate properly. In this essay style video I will take you on a trip regarding some of my own thoughts and conclusions about the art of being good at articulating yourself.
The better you master language the better you understand stuff, and the better you can explain yourself, the better your grades, the better your degree, the better your raise, the better the opportunities and the better your friendships, relationships and leadership. The better you can speak to your children and the better they themselves will become at steering their own way through life.
7 Key Insights about Assertive Communication:
Point 1: Implicit and explicit language. To be a good communicator you need to excel at explicit language.
Point 2: The art of speaking from ignorance. To really connect to others in communication, self confessed ignorance is super charming. Being honest about what you know and here, specifically what you don’t know, is a winning tool in communication.
Point 3: The art of speaking from knowledge. This is about knowing your favorite concepts and developing all round knowledge. History. Economics. Politics. The arts. This one point is a bit boring, because there are no shortcuts. In order to be taken seriously and perhaps even “play in the big leagues” you have to have some basic knowledge about the world.
Point 4: Never separate truth from love. One of the most popular mental models of communication is the one we could call the model for assertive communication. Its a matrix where you have got respect for yourself on the one axis and respect for others on the other axis. Your job is to – solidly in all and every communication – to keep your position in the top right corner, the one in which you keep your self respect and integrity and the respect for others at even steven. In this part I also expand on the importance of giving wins away – losing with style.
Point 5: Don’t get stuck with an emotional bill. As it were. If you do not have respect for yourself and let others steam roll you too much you wind up having to pay an emotional bill. What I mean by that is that you wind up with a lot of after thoughts “what you should have or could have said”. Make a conclusion. Promise yourself to never be stood with a bill to pay.
Point 6: Sprezzatura. A term from renaissance Italy denoting the gentleman who could argue for his ideas on the town square without it all ending in a duel. Hold your topics lightly.
Be active beefing up your explicit language for two hours each day: One hour beefing up your general knowledge and one hour writing or reading.
Follow a popular podcast for one hour a day/ dive into general knowledge podcasts. You can listen to it while commuting or working out. Easy peasy.
Read for one hour every second day of the best possible literature. On days where you don’t read then write: Write essays for one hour every day about concepts that intrigue you.
You may alternate that keeping a diary in stead, like the ancient stoics. Expand on thoughts that have occurred to you during the day.
You could also write an expressive diary: https://thomasmarkersen.dk/2019/09/26…
10 ideas for essays: What is good and bad about your: life/work/courage/trust/future/past/friendships. What is good and bad about capitalism/religion /socialism/masculinity/femininity/walking/lifting weights/running/making food/having/ guests/dating.
10 Ideas for books that will help you get to writing: Anything by Michel Houellebeq, Essays of
Michel de Montaigne, books by Søren Kierkegaard, Proust, Albert Camus & Nietzsche. These thinkers are extremely good at showcasing how to think. Especially Montaigne gives you insight into a how a great mind writes and thinks. (Writers of yesteryear provides you with a historical insight into your own humanity. That which persists is more true.)
FB: Psykolog Thomas Markersen